


So Be It

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Don't take the second pairing too seriously lol, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5997244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No more apologizing.” Hinata lets out a chuckle and ruffles Komaeda’s hair. That’s actually something that he has wanted to do ever since he has seen Komaeda’s picture. “It’s not your fault that everyone is in love with you.”</p><p>“Everyone is in love with me, you say…” Komaeda lets out a chuckle too. “You're really funny, aren’t you, Hinata-kun?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Be It

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, guys! I worked so hard on this, so I hope you guys like this!  
> If you guys wanna talk to me, by the way, I'm in partridgeonapeartree in Tumblr and irl_junko in Twitter :)

_Who the hell even are these people?_

Hinata was gritting his teeth as he glares at practically everyone around him. It’s suddenly just so noisy and crowded, and it’s as if there are so much things going on at the moment. Everyone’s so colorful, and all their voices are distinct from each other, and to his ears, it’s as if all the sounds are battling, competing to determine which sound will overtake his senses, and he badly wants to get away from here, but he can’t—

 

He looks over to his friend Komaeda who's seated beside him—or at least the latter _was_ sitting beside him, but it was actually already minutes ago when Hinata got unceremoniously pushed aside by someone, and now, he can’t really see even Komaeda’s too-easy-to-spot hair anymore.

 

He sighs.

 

Today is supposed to be his first time to have a pair study with Komaeda, his first time to actually spend a whole day with the latter—Hinata even had to swallow his pride in asking Komaeda to teach him because first, he doesn’t want to feel that he can’t do something by himself, and second, he doesn’t want to bother Komaeda—and now, these people suddenly showed up, coincidentally needing a tutor too in various subjects (but Hinata can clearly hear that they're talking about other things, bullshit).

 

He scratches his head in annoyance.

 

_How did it even end up being this way!?_

 

\--

 

It was way too surreal, but Hinata actually passed the admission test of the college of his dreams. Hope’s Peak University—it was said that the best of the best students study here, they were the cream of the crop, and they were believed to be the hope of the country.

 

 _You children are going to lead the country someday._ He can remember the words of Kirigiri Jin, Hope’s Peak’s headmaster, written in the welcome letter that every passer received. _Hope’s Peak University will give you the liberal education that will surely help you in your endeavors in the future._

Hinata knew that it was a far too great honor to be a Hope’s Peak student. If anything, just listening to the headmaster’s speech (he imagined that he was listening to the speech of the headmaster, sitting in the far too spacious gymnasium of the university itself, even if he was just reading a letter in reality) is making him feel a little pressured. Being branded as the ‘hope of the country’—it sounds a little too much.

 

But he's not complaining.

 

All his life, he has admired Hope’s Peak. Now, he actually passed, and there's nothing else that he can ask for.

 

…Well, maybe he can wish for the first day of school to come faster. The anticipation is killing him bit by bit each day. After all, the incoming freshmen won’t be going to school in four more months because of the recent and awkwardly placed academic calendar shift between senior high school and college, and four months seem to be taking forever for Hinata.

 

He knows how weird it is—looking forward to going to school—but he's going to the university that he has always yearned for. He supposes that his over-the-top excitement can probably be understood despite its evident weirdness.

 

He knows too, of course, that he's not the only excited one. Hope’s Peak is just far too great that he's around one hundred one percent sure that there are others like him who practically can’t stop thinking about going to the university. He was proven right when one time he was online, he receives a rather shady friend request from a rather shady account.

 

‘ _Hope’s Peak University added you as a friend._ ’

 

Hinata remembers furrowing his eyebrows that time. He has read a lot of things about Hope’s Peak, and one thing that he knows for sure is that the university doesn’t have an official social media account anywhere. Despite that knowledge, he still accepts the request, and he waits for something to happen.

 

Literally just a second after—no exaggerations—Hinata receives a notification this time, and it says, ‘ _Hope’s Peak University added you to Hope’s Peak University Freshmen._ ’

 

Another shady move.

 

He clicks on the notification anyway even if this whole deal seems weird, and he was pleasantly surprised with what he has seen.

 

There were already over a hundred members of the group. Not only that, there were photos of the map of Hope’s Peak University’s campus, handouts for the difficult classes that they can possibly take, and a list of the cheapest (but quality) restaurants that they can frequent.

 

There were also posts of his fellow freshmen, obviously eager to go to class already just like him. There were others too who want to socialize right away, posting things like ‘ _Who here have read this book series? Talk with me!_ ’ and ‘ _List down your degree programs and find your future classmates! Here, I’ll start!_ ’

 

It overwhelmed him.

 

This virtual group is his future staring him in the eyes—the future notes that he’ll find useful for his future classes, his future classmates, his future friends, the future restaurants that he’ll visit—

 

That’s why he doesn’t stop himself from ‘liking’ one of the posts and leaving a comment. Hinata isn’t exactly what one would call a social butterfly, and he isn’t what one would call an introvert either—he’d say that he's somewhere in between, just average.

 

But right now, he's going to try his best to be as social as possible because here he is, with his fellow Hope’s Peak students, with his batch mates, his would-be classmates…

 

And it would be easier to cope if school comes and he's already friends with some of them.

 

\--

 

‘ _Yo, Hinata._ ’

 

‘ _I see you're a member of that HPU group already._ ’

 

‘ _Have you seen some cuties already? Send me links!_ ’

 

This was his friend, Kuwata Leon. Hinata couldn’t say that he's surprised that this was the first message that he received from Kuwata the moment they both joined that group. Kuwata has passed Hope’s Peak’s admission test too, along with some others, and it’s pretty great that Hinata has senior high school friends that will attend the same college. At least, if ever his plan to be ‘as social as possible’ fails, he still has people that he actually knows already.

 

‘ _Are you seriously asking me?_ ’ That was Hinata’s reply. ‘ _I'm not interacting with the people in the group to find these so-called cuties. I'm here to just befriend future classmates._ ’

 

‘ _Yeah, thought so. But look at this one._ ’

 

It’s not like Hinata can care less. Whoever the person that Kuwata would show him, no matter what they look like, the truth still stands that the only reason why Hinata is even here in this virtual group is because he just wants to make things easier for himself when school starts.

 

‘ _Here’s the Facebook profile._ ’ Kuwata attaches a link in the message. ‘ _I don’t know if you’ve read some of his comments. I mean, he comments a lot, but he never really posts things himself._ ’

 

‘ _Are you seriously cyber-stalking our would-be classmates?_ ’

 

‘ _Hey, not really! I just know which ones are cute, and they happen to accept my friend requests… but I guess that’s because I'm cute too!_ ’ Kuwata quickly adds. ‘ _Anyway, just check this one out!_ ’

 

‘ _Fine._ ’ Hinata replies and he minimizes the chat window for Kuwata, but not before clicking on the link that he sent. The page loads quite fast, and it seems to be the account of a boy named… Komaeda Nagito? His profile picture is just a simple and typical one—showing him wearing his old senior high school uniform, holding what seems to be like a diploma—and he just had a small grin on his face.

 

Most of the people in their group had a similar picture—Hinata too, actually—because well, to be fair, all of them are fresh senior high school graduates, so this was the most typical profile picture to have. The first thing that really caught Hinata’s attention though was this Komaeda person’s hair color. His hair was a cottony shade of white, and it stood out even more because he was wearing a black uniform.

 

Next were his gray-green eyes that just look so friendly and warm that even by just staring at a picture, he felt like maybe Komaeda’s presence would be… comforting? Weird. Hinata’s weird.

 

‘ _Okay,_ ’ Hinata opens up Kuwata’s chat window again. ‘ _He is cute, but I'm not like you and the rest of our friends who's gonna have a crush just because I’ve seen a cute picture._ ’

 

‘ _Hey, harsh!_ ’

‘ _Okay, fine, be like that. But if you think he's cute, then maybe you'll be interested in his account in that site where people basically just answer questions about themselves. You might think he's pretty deep. You're into that whole shit, right?_ ’

 

Kuwata sends him the link, and since Hinata has nothing better to do, he clicks on it and gets ready to read things.

 

\--

 

**Can I just say that I really like your type of humor? Yeah, rock on.**

_Humor? Thanks, anon! I almost never really joke on here though, and when I do, I'm not really funny, so I don’t understand what you're talking about… but thank you, really!_

**Can you post a selfie?**

_I don’t get why you'd want me to, but sure! Here you go! This was taken back then in senior high school when we were getting ready for a class debate. :)_

There was a picture of Komaeda wearing a white shirt with a rather formal blazer—actually, the whole getup was pretty formal, and there was even a tie—and he was smiling widely at the camera. His eyebrows are raised, and that’s making his eyes look even more expressive.

 

**Is it difficult to be attractive?**

_Haha, I won’t know, anon! You should ask someone who actually is!_

**Did you pass the Hope’s Peak University Admission Test?**

_I did! Thanks for asking, I'm really proud of it… though it’s probably just a fluke, but haha, I'm still happy!_

**Hi there. I'm slightly shy and hesitant to actually ask you this, but we follow each other here, and I want to be friends with you. Is that okay?**

_Whoa, seriously? Someone actually wants to be friends with me? Of course it’s more than okay! You should come off anon! I mean, you'd probably regret this—and I won’t blame you for that, of course!—but I swear I’ll love to be friends with you!_

Hinata didn’t expect himself to actually read Komaeda’s profile for hours. He doesn’t want to accept that he's basically being a creep right now, reading streams of information about a person who literally has no clue of his existence. Maybe it would be more acceptable if Komaeda’s actually like a celebrity or something, but he actually isn’t.

 

He's just a normal guy who happens to be really cute, and that’s what's making Hinata feel like a creep.

 

Despite the shame that Hinata’s feeling for doing this, what he has learned so far from the hours that he has spent scrolling down Komaeda’s profile is that Komaeda’s self-esteem seems to be abysmal, he self-deprecates here and there, and he seems to honestly not know how attractive he is.

 

He also seems to believe that he's lucky—to the point that whenever someone compliments him for something that he's done well, he’ll dismiss it as a mere fluke—but despite talking down on himself a lot, he seems to talk about hope a lot too.

 

He seems to like classical music too, is an open-minded person, usually makes puns, likes pretty things, hates noise, likes reading, likes nature, likes napping, likes amusement parks (is okay with the idea of extreme rides, but chooses not to go)…

 

Hinata’s really ashamed that he's learning so much just by scrolling through one account, but he's going to casually shift the blame to Kuwata to set the things in his mind in their proper order. Because hey, Hinata only wants to find friends in the virtual group, not go ‘cutie hunting’ like Kuwata called it one time.

 

He stops because he realizes that he's already five months deep, and that’s saying something because Komaeda gets an average of twenty-five questions a week.

 

\--

 

‘ _Yo, Hinata._ ’

 

It was two days later when Kuwata sent him another message.

 

It was two days later when Hinata reached the end of Komaeda’s profile, reading more than three years worth of information.

 

Hinata found out that Komaeda likes movies especially mystery movies (but prefers a whole lot of other things to do if hanging out), is open to the idea of making a movie (‘ _Of course I’d prefer to work behind the scenes though, haha! It would be worse than unbearable if I myself have to show up in the movie!_ ’), likes libraries, has never made a successful sand castle before, gets sunburnt pretty fast…

 

‘ _Hinata, you there?_ ’ Kuwata sends another message, and Hinata realizes that he has spaced out. He blinks at the screen, intently watching as three dots blink to signify that Kuwata is still typing something, and the browser promptly makes a soft sound when Kuwata finishes. ‘ _How’s looking at Komaeda’s account? I honestly thought he’d be your type, but if I'm wrong, then I'm ready to send you a new one right now._ ’

 

‘ _God, just stop it, Kuwata._ ’ Hinata follows up. ‘ _Alright, let me clear something up. You're right that he seems pretty deep, and the way he answers questions honestly entertains me, so right now, he's not just a pretty face to me. But still, we’re strangers who haven’t even interacted yet, and I can’t possibly crush on him just because I find him cute and because I stalked one of his social media accounts._ ’

 

‘ _Wow, did you read until the end?_ ’

 

‘ _Kinda._ ’

 

‘ _Check it regularly though! People ask him new stuff all the time. The price of being cute, honestly. You won’t be able to relate though, haha!_ ’

 

‘ _Shut up._ ’

 

‘ _Haha, what the hell, Hinata? Okay, if the only concern is that you haven’t interacted yet, then why not send him a question too and talk to him? You won’t even need an account if you plan to just be anonymous for now. But you do have an account anyway, right?_ ’

 

‘ _No way am I doing that._ ’

 

\--

 

Yep, there's just no way will Hinata ever do that.

 

That’s what Hinata chants in his head as he stares at the blinking cursor placed in the ask box of Komaeda’s profile.

 

Besides, he doesn’t really know what to ask if ever he does do so.

 

That’s why he just scrolls again—there are already a bunch of new answered questions, it’s almost unbelievable—reading through the things that Komaeda has to say. Maybe, that way, Hinata will actually get an idea for a question.

 

**Hi, how are you? :)**

_I'm pretty happy because I'm looking forward to the first day of classes, haha! I got added to this Hope’s Peak group recently, and I'm so glad to find my future classmates! It’s still pretty embarrassing to talk with them though—I know they're all more capable people compared to me—but I'm lucky enough to have befriended some. I'm really thankful!_

**Are you gonna avail a room in the Hope’s Peak Dorms?**

_I think so! I live alone, so it’s not really difficult to decide because only my opinion will matter._

**Would you like a roommate or are you willing to pay double to get your own room?**

_I'm not really sure… I mean, I'm not against the idea of having a roommate per se, but I'm just thinking that I wouldn’t want to put anyone to that misfortune. I mean, I can imagine how torturous it must be to live with someone like me. That would be so horrible, right?_

**Your hair is so cute. It’s like a poodle’s.**

_Hahaha, that’s a compliment! I like poodles! Thank you, anon!_

**What degree program are you taking up?**

_Philosophy! After that, I plan to proceed to Law. I wonder if this is overly ambitious for someone like me, though!_

Hinata sighs.

 

At this rate, he’ll end up just reading everything again without really asking anything. He actually listed in the notepad the reactions that he thought of while scrolling just now, no matter how potentially embarrassing and impossible to ask they may seem, in hopes of actually sending one of them.

 

‘ _Why do you look down on yourself so much?_ ’

 

‘ _Who are the ones that you befriended in the Hope’s Peak group?_ ’

 

‘ _You live by yourself instead of your parents? Why?_ ’

 

‘ _Your hair really is cute. It looks so soft to the touch._ ’

 

‘ _Hey, I plan to be a lawyer too. Seems that’s something we have in common._ ’

 

Hinata sighs for a second time.

 

There's just no way won’t he feel like a creep by asking these questions, even if he sends them anonymously… Well, to be fair, the first one was a legitimate question—it really drives him curious why Komaeda usually self-deprecates despite being a good-looking, friendly, and smart person. Hinata knows that he must be smart—passing Hope’s Peak’s test. Hinata doesn’t imply that he himself is smart though because he knows that probably the only reason why he passed is because he studies all the time.

 

All effort, no talent. Yep, that’s him.

 

The second question was something that he wants to address too. Who knows if, maybe for some stroke of luck, the two of them actually have a mutual friend or two? That way, Hinata will find it easier to make conversation and he’d feel less like a creep that way.

 

The third one seems too personal, the fourth one isn’t even a question anymore, and the fifth one—

 

Well, the fifth one actually was pretty decent now that he thinks about it. It wasn’t a question too, but still. It sounded like something that a stranger (who isn’t a creep) who just wants to make friends would say. The message wasn’t overly familiar too—just friendly to a certain degree, but still has a respectful distance.

 

Hinata takes a deep breath, types his planned question, double checks (triple checks, quadruple checks) that the box for ‘ask anonymously’ is marked, and clicks on ‘ask’. He feels like he did something wrong even if his message was fairly innocent, and his heart won’t stop acting like it’s madly punishing his ribcage.

 

He refreshes Komaeda’s page—he himself doesn’t know why he's doing this, but somehow, he feels like it would be good if he actually ends up befriending Komaeda—and his nervousness (excitement) worsens even more when he sees that Komaeda is, in fact, online at the moment and already has answered a new question.

 

**Are you a virgin?**

_I think this is a rather inappropriate question… but yes, I am._

Hinata feels his face heating up when he sees that one. He can’t believe that there's someone improper enough to send a person a question like that. On the bright side though, whoever that person is made him realize that his own message wasn’t creepy, after all.

 

**What do you think of ex sex?**

_Haha, what's up with you guys today, asking stuff like this?_

_But oh, well, I'm not in the position to meddle with other people’s businesses, I think. If they're both happy, then they should go for it?_

Hinata probably has been overtaken by his shock too much that he doesn’t even hesitate anymore when he goes back to the ask box and types another message. ‘ _I'm sorry you have to deal with those perverted questions. Are you okay?_ ’

 

He refreshes the page again.

 

He starts to wonder exactly how many messages Komaeda is receiving at the moment and if he’ll get to Hinata’s soon.

 

**I like your voice. I can’t help thinking that you sound like that guy from Cardcaptor Sakura.**

_Hahaha, do we know each other in real life?_

_I actually get that a lot! Tsukishiro Yukito, right? They also say I sound like Ikari Shinji of Evangelion. :D_

**Hey, my friend is in love with you.**

_Haha, seriously? You're really funny, anon!_

Hinata refreshes the page again. His nervousness picks up again when he sees his first message right there, staring him in the eyes.

 

**Hey, I plan to be a lawyer too. Seems that’s something we have in common.**

_Oh, cool! Are you an incoming freshman of Hope’s Peak as well? What's your pre-law?_

**Do you know how to drive?**

_Nah. I'm kinda scared to try learning, to be honest. I'm pretty accident-prone, see… It seems like a handy thing to learn though!_

Hinata’s feeling of nervousness eases out when he sees Komaeda’s rather friendly reply. He supposes it was no use to be nervous, after all. As he has previously observed, Komaeda seems like a friendly and open person. If he makes sure not to overstep his boundaries then maybe it will be okay?

 

He goes back to the ask box. He's still nervous, but it’s not as bad as earlier. ‘ _Yes, I am and I'm taking up Applied Mathematics. I plan to be a business analyst, and then I will proceed to Law. How about you? What profession do you wish to get with Philosophy? Or do you plan to go straight to Law?_ ’

 

He refreshes the page for what felt like the hundredth time today.

 

He realizes that if he really wants to have a proper conversation with Komaeda, doing it here will be no good because he's competing with who-knows-how-many people.

 

He switches tabs and looks at Komaeda’s Facebook profile, wonders why it’s open in the first place, and against his better judgment, clicks on the button that says ‘add as friend’.

 

He’ll probably regret this later.

 

\--

 

‘ _Yo, Hinata._ ’

‘ _Why did our mutual friends increase?_ ’

‘ _And why am I seeing the name ‘Nagito Komaeda’ as part of them?_ ’

‘ _Haha, just kidding. Good job! Did you talk yet?_ ’

 

There was Kuwata again, and Hinata still isn’t surprised this time. He doesn’t know how many times he has said that he's just here to make friends, and even if it’s tiring, he's going to continue saying it.

 

‘ _I'm here to make friends._ ’ Yep, he just sent that. Again. ‘ _I did talk to him, but only anonymously. I just asked him a couple of questions, and that’s it._ ’

 

‘ _Haha, cool! I was the one who asked him if he was a virgin ;)_ ’

 

‘ _I knew it! That’s just really inappropriate! Why would you even do something like that!?_ ’

 

‘ _Whoa, you seriously believed me? I was just kidding! Is that how you look at me, bro? I'm offended!_ ’

 

‘ _Well, it’s not my fault it’s believable._ ’

 

‘ _Ouch!_ ’

 

Komaeda actually already has responded to his two messages days ago, but Hinata never sent another one after that. Sending the first message required a great deal of courage from him, and the second one just resulted from his being appalled.

 

Even behind anonymity, he still can’t be brave…

 

So he wonders if it’s even possible for him to send something off anon.

 

**Yes, I am and I'm taking up Applied Mathematics. I plan to be a business analyst, and then I will proceed to Law. How about you? What profession do you wish to get with Philosophy? Or do you plan to go straight to Law?**

_Oh, that’s great! A pretty unique choice too! I mean, most people I know who also plan to proceed to Law take up either Economics or Accountancy. Not saying Applied Math is bad!_

_I plan to be a professor in Hope’s Peak. Well, that’s the best case scenario, at least. I mean, I'm not very confident that I’ll be good enough for that, after all!_

**I'm sorry you have to deal with those perverted questions. Are you okay?**

_Well, to be honest, I was pretty surprised, but it’s okay! I'm sorry for worrying you! The moment I made this account, I decided that I should be ready for anything, haha!_

 

Of course Hinata still wanted to reply.

 

But for some reason, despite Komaeda’s answers not being clipped (if anything, they're rather detailed), he doesn’t know what to say anymore.

 

That’s why two days already have passed, and he still wasn’t able to do anything but read the new messages that Komaeda has answered.

 

In short, he's back to being a lurking creep.

 

Hinata finds himself letting out another sigh.

 

\--

 

‘ _Yo, Hinata._ ’

‘ _Talked to Komaeda yet?_ ’

‘ _If you're too shitty to message him, then just talk to him in the comments._ ’

‘ _He was asking something about book recommendations, I think?_ ’

 

‘ _Why are you so hell-bent in making me talk to him anyway?_ ’

 

‘ _I don’t really know. I just thought he’d be your type, as I said._ ’

 

‘ _You're weird. Why him?_ ’

 

‘ _To be honest?_ ’

 

‘ _Yeah, sure. Go on._ ’

 

‘ _He just was the first cute person who showed up in the group list, lol. I think he recently just joined when I started my search, so that must be why. Dude,  I didn’t really think too hardly about your tastes because duh, I hate thinking, but the fact that you read through his account tells me a lot ;)_ ’

 

‘ _You know what? Fuck off, Kuwata._ ’

 

‘ _Hahaha, oh, come on, dude! Thank me, at least! I know you find him cute!_ ’

 

Hinata mutes his chat box. Without Kuwata making noise, Hinata has nothing to think of but Komaeda’s post in the group that he's looking at now. It already has a bunch of people giving out their book recommendations, and Hinata briefly wonders if some of these people are also the ones sending Komaeda those messages in the other account.

 

He thinks of his three most favorite titles (one crime fiction, two thrillers) and reads the already existing comments after. It would be just embarrassing and stupid if his recommendations end up being already said by someone else, after all. He remembers reading from Komaeda’s other account that he likes mystery, so maybe Hinata’s recommendations won’t look ridiculous.

 

When he sees that no one else mentioned the titles that he thought of, he takes a deep breath, types the comment, and presses ‘enter’.

 

Why is he even nervous?

 

He can’t believe that he's actually nervous about something like this.

 

Again, he's not like Kuwata and his other friends who'll develop a crush just by seeing cute pictures, but—

 

‘ _Nagito Komaeda likes your comment._ ’

 

—He’d be lying if he says that his heart didn’t race when that notification showed up.

 

‘ _Nagito Komaeda replied to your comment._ ’

 

And he’d be lying even more if he says that his face didn’t heat up when he reads the reply.

 

‘ _Oh, thank you! To be honest, I’ve read the first two already, and I must say that they made it to my most favorites! That’s why I'm confident that the last title will be good :D You have good taste, Hinata-kun!_ ’

 

Hinata must have been staring at the reply for too long because the bubbles that act as his screensaver started floating all over the screen. Unbelievable.

 

He ‘likes’ Komaeda’s reply to his comment. Hinata can guess that Kuwata must be making a ruckus in his own chat box right now, but he won’t really know for sure because Kuwata is muted until the next hour. He doesn’t feel like checking too because he's actually in a good mood right now as he types.

 

‘ _Thanks! You must have good taste too if you liked the other two._

 _If it’s okay, can you send me book recommendations as well?_ ’

 

Is that too pushy? Too forward? Should he add a smiley to alleviate things a bit?

 

‘ _Can you send me book recommendations as well? :)_ ’

 

That doesn’t even look like a message from him anymore. He quickly deletes the smiley that seems like it’s mocking him and stares at his original reply. He must be taking too long, having already triggered the screensaver earlier just by mere staring, and now he's doing it again by scrutinizing his response over and over.

 

He takes a deep breath and decides to just post it, sincerely hoping that he won’t be doing something wrong with his reply.

 

All his dragged-out preamble felt worthless when just seconds later, Komaeda ‘likes’ his new reply again. Maybe Hinata shouldn’t think about every action he takes too much.

 

‘ _Sure! Wait a sec! I’ll look at the other books in my favorites list! I'm pretty sure I have an actual list somewhere, haha :D_ ’

 

Hinata presses the ‘like’ button on that comment.

 

What now? He's confused. Should he type a fast ‘ _Sure, I’d like that_ ’ or just wait for Komaeda’s recommendation? Would he seem too eager if he replies? Or if he doesn’t reply, would he seem like he's uninterested in Komaeda’s friendly gesture?

 

But he liked the comment anyway, so maybe he should be fine?

 

\--

 

Except five hours already has passed with still no reply from Komaeda, and Hinata thinks that it would be overly awkward if he follows up with that ‘ _I’d like that_ ’ now when obviously, he already has seen the comment earlier by liking it.

 

Is this because he didn’t reply?

 

Did he seem like an unfriendly asshole?

 

Did Komaeda feel like he was the one doing something wrong because of Hinata’s rudeness?

 

Hinata sighs.

 

He can’t believe that he has ruined all chances of possible friendship because of—

 

‘ _Hello, Hinata-kun?_ ’

 

…

 

Huh?

 

Hinata blinks.

 

A new chat window has popped into his view, and he really can’t believe his eyes. The nervousness that he was feeling earlier resurfaced now, and he thought that maybe, if he stared too long enough again, the chat window would introduce itself as just a part of his imagination.

 

‘ _Sorry for the sudden message! In case you don’t remember, I was that person who promised earlier to send you some book recommendations._ ’

 

Except it didn’t. The chat window isn’t going away.

 

Hinata’s heart starts to beat faster.

 

‘ _I'm so sorry for taking so long, by the way! My internet unexpectedly stopped, and it just got back now, haha. I'm really sorry ^^;_ ’

‘ _Anyway, here you go! These are my favorite crime fiction and thriller books! I realized that you might be fond of those genres :)_ ’

 

Hinata doesn’t even realize quickly that he already has a small smile on his face.

 

Ah, how embarrassing.

 

‘ _Hey, thanks! No sweat about the delay. I guess it’s worth it since these books you recommended seem interesting._ ’

 

Think of something to talk about. Quick. Ask about his internet. Ask about his favorite genres. Ask if he likes reading even if the answer is already obvious (and Hinata already knows because of lurking through his profile). Just ask anything. Now.

 

‘ _It sucks when that happens, huh? About your internet, I mean._ ’

 

Okay, that one is good. After all, weirdly enough, Hinata feels kind of guilty about asking something that he already knows. Doing so will just make him feel like a creep again.

 

‘ _Haha, I hope you like them! Tell me what you think about them when you finish ^^_ ’

‘ _Also, yes. It really sucks when it happens, haha! Playing solitaire in the laptop gets pretty old too, after all! But it’s okay, something nice usually happens after whenever I lose my internet for a while. :D_ ’

 

‘ _Sure, I will. :)_ ’

‘ _Something nice? Like what?_ ’

 

‘ _Well, for instance, during the time Hope’s Peak posted the passers in their website, I actually didn’t have internet the whole day. So when it finally returned during nighttime, I saw my senior high school friends fussing over the results in the group chat, so I checked it as soon as possible!_ ’

‘ _It just makes the feeling of happiness I got from passing even stronger because I was basically quite irritated the whole day ^^;_ ’

 

‘ _Cool. I get what you mean. Good things just feel really better if the whole day has been shitty, right?_ ’

 

‘ _Yes! The greater the despair, the greater the hope that will follow after :)_ ’

 

Right. Hinata can remember Komaeda saying something like that in his other account too. Hinata wondered what's up with his fixation on hope—he seemed too fond of it for some reason. But Hinata can’t really ask that now because he isn’t supposed to know that Komaeda usually talks about it.

 

‘ _The hungrier you are, the better food will taste like._ ’

 

‘ _Hahaha, yep! You're creative, Hinata-kun!_ ’

 

That was all it started.

 

\--

 

That brings him to the present time.

 

Hinata’s situation has slightly improved compared to earlier.

 

He can at least see Komaeda’s mop of white hair now, but a huge crowd is still keeping the two of them away from each other.

 

“Can you teach me Math, Komaeda-kun?” Hinata hears a low voice that’s obviously trying hard to sound smooth. He himself doesn’t know why he heard that voice clearly despite all these people talking in unison. “Talk to me about those curves… Hold them against me when I can’t understand the topic, hm?”

 

“Um, haha…” Hinata also hears that forced and uncomfortable laughter that must be Komaeda’s. “…Sure, I’ll teach you Math, Hanamura-kun. I’ll lend you some formulas that you should memorize…”

 

“But Komaeda!” There's a forceful voice of a girl now. “I thought you're going to join me for a photoshoot! I know I prefer taking pictures of girls, but… y-you're really good-looking, okay? D-Don’t let that get to your head!”

 

“Haha, of course, Koizumi-san! Thank you! But didn’t we schedule it to be this weekend…?”

 

“H-Hey, Komaeda!” A third voice—of a guy this time, and rough-sounding too—introduces itself to Hinata’s ears. “O-Okay, damn, I can’t believe I'm going to say this out loud… W-When are we going to go to that f-fried dough cookie shop that you mentioned!? I swear if you're just bullshitting me, I'm gonna punch you!”

 

That almost made Hinata go ‘whoa’.

 

“Haha, I'm so sorry! Please calm down, Kuzuryuu-kun! I promised it to be next week, right? I swear next week, I’ll surely accompany you to the place!”

 

“Komaeda-san, I would like to challenge you to a game of poker.”

 

“Nagito-chan! Be Ibuki’s vocalist!”

 

“Komaeda-kun… Let’s play Pokémon… Get me a shiny Whimsicott…”

 

Hinata’s annoyance is starting to reach its peak. These people aren’t even supposed to hang out with Komaeda today! It’s supposed to be only Hinata and Komaeda—they were just supposed to study together—yet these people decided that it’d be a good idea to just butt in!

 

He wants to push them all out of his way, but he’ll feel guilty to push others who are smaller than him, and he’ll feel like he’ll get into trouble if he pushes the ones bigger than him. He's pretty sure too that he saw a blonde kid with pigtails too, and even though he doesn’t understand how a child got in the campus, he still won’t want to push a kid.

 

“Komaeda-san, help me find the hero who'll search for the Makango with us!”

 

“Oiii! Komaeda! Your form is not good! Train with me and I’ll transform you into an athlete!”

 

“Nah! Before that, you have to eat a lot with me first, Komaeda! You need lots and lots of meat inside you!”

 

“Um… guys, I promised you all a date and time—”

 

“Komaeda, show me that photo album of… fluffy animals that you're talking about.”

 

“Waaahh! Komaeda-onii! Who are these people!? They're all so gross and creepy! Take me away from here! Let’s just leave!”

 

“Yo, Komaeda! Let me show you that bike I'm building! I want to see you riding, hah! Let’s go!”

 

 “White Magician! Allow me to introduce you to the most feared creatures of this mortal world… The four dark devas of destruction worship no one! B-But I shall do my best to convince them to let you touch them in their mortal form…”

 

“K-Komaeda-san… You look really pale, heehee… A-Allow me… to give you lots and lots of shots!”

 

“…Ha, haha, I'm so sorry, everyone, I—”

 

Alright, that’s it. Komaeda sounds too uncomfortable and overwhelmed that Hinata can’t allow himself to continue just listening to this now. He stands up straight—he can see Komaeda’s almost panicked expression now—and he clears his throat.

 

“Guys, can’t you just give him a break!?” Hinata makes sure to sound assertive without sounding a little too hostile for his liking. He can’t say that he succeeded though. His last intention is to get in a fight, but he knows that he has to do something. “From what I'm hearing, he already promised you a different date and time… What are you all even doing here?”

 

Everyone turns to him, and the place was suddenly silent. Hinata’s surer now that there really is a blonde kid with twintails among them. The kid is glaring at him as if he said something deeply offensive, and he almost felt guilty, but he has to stay firm.

 

It’s getting more difficult to keep his resolve though as everyone’s eyes seem to be boring through him and judging even the littlest details of his very personality. Especially that girl with short red hair—the one with a camera around her neck—she looked so disappointed in Hinata that it’s almost as if he was caught doing something so immoral instead of simply telling them to stop.

 

A girl wearing a Lolita dress was eyeing him from head to toe too, her red eyes (Hinata’s pretty sure they're contacts, but it’s still intimidating) revealing nothing but a condescending look, and Hinata can only guess what kind of insults are going through her head right now.

 

“G-Guys, calm down, haha…” Komaeda speaks, his soft voice already causing a visibly soothed reaction from everyone. “He's right. I’ll keep my promised appointments with all of you, so there's nothing to worry about… alright?”

 

They started murmuring and unexpectedly began to disperse, and the next thing Hinata knew, it was suddenly easier to breathe. He can see Komaeda again—Komaeda’s hair, Komaeda’s face, Komaeda’s expression—causing himself to calm down.

 

The last thing that Hinata heard from the annoying bunch was different variants of goodbyes, and shortly, it was just him and Komaeda again. Finally. As it should be.

 

“Are you alright?” Hinata softly asks, transferring back to his side. That was where he was seated anyway before that whole interruption. “Sorry I didn’t do anything right away.”

 

“I'm okay.” Komaeda sheepishly smiles. “I should be the one sorry. I should have been able to stop them before it escalated like that…”

 

“Nah, it’s not your fault, alright?” Hinata lets out the best reassuring smile that he can manage. “Are you tired now? It must have been exhausting being in the center of a crowd… so if you want to rest now, I’ll just have you tutor me for another time.”

 

“Oh, no, it’s really okay, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda puts out his hands in front of himself. “There's no worry… I'm not tired at all, so we can just continue what we were doing earlier.”

 

“If you say so.” Hinata nods, opening again the notebook that never left his hands. “If ever you want to take a break though, just tell.”

 

“I will.” Komaeda nods too, smiling. “Same goes for you, alright, Hinata-kun?”

 

\--

 

Book recommendations must have been a big deal because after that, the two of them started chatting every day. Hinata finally found out (he already knew, but he’d say that he just found out because it’s still different when it’s from Komaeda himself) that Komaeda really does love reading, but he doesn’t really have favorite genres. If anything, he reads a lot from each one, even the despicable romantic ones, and Hinata can guess that it’s possibly because Komaeda seems like that type of person who's fond of looking at everything with different perspectives.

 

That’s admirable, really.

 

Hinata has an inclination for non-fiction books and textbooks over fiction, but whenever he does read from the latter category, he usually finds himself with a crime fiction, thriller, or mystery book. Because of Komaeda though, Hinata’s starting to entertain the idea of maybe trying out at least one from everything.

 

‘ _Do you want to talk about some deep things, Hinata-kun?_ ’ Komaeda opens with that message that time.

 

‘ _What do you mean?_ ’

 

‘ _Haha! I guess it was weird putting it that way, huh? Well, see, isn’t it 12 AM already? Apparently, people talk about deep and personal things around this hour up until 3 AM or so… unless you're going to sleep already, then in that case, I'm so sorry for the bother! ;~;_ ’

 

‘ _Ah, right, I hear that a lot too. And don’t worry, I'm not gonna sleep until around 3, maybe._

 _So how do we start this?_ ’

 

‘ _Cool! Me too :D_

 _Well, I'm not really sure, to be honest… Say something deep about yourself and we’ll go from there?_ ’

 

‘ _That’s easier said than done, you know. How exactly is ‘deep’ defined anyway?_ ’

 

‘ _Ooh, that’s it, you're getting started, Hinata-kun! That’s a deep question._ ’

 

‘ _Seriously?_ ’

 

‘ _Haha, kinda!_ ’

 

‘ _Alright, wanna play 21 questions instead? I think that’s a good place to start if you want to discuss personal things._ ’

 

‘ _I never played that before, though I have read about it, I think? To be safe, can you brief me?_ ’

 

‘ _Sure. It’s pretty simple, actually. I’ll just ask a question, you answer it, then you ask a question, I answer it, repeat._ ’

‘ _Did you get that? Sorry if my explanation is shitty._ ’

 

‘ _No, it’s cool! I got it :)_

 _So who starts?_ ’

 

‘ _Do you want to?_ ’

 

‘ _I want Hinata-kun to start :D_ ’

‘ _If it’s okay, I mean._ ’

 

‘ _Sure, it’s okay._ ’

‘ _Let me think of a question first though. Wait a sec._ ’

 

‘ _Alright!_ ’

 

Hinata’s too brave to even suggest Twenty-One Questions when he actually always finds it difficult to think of what questions to ask. He always has that basic worry that his questions might end up being either too personal or too boring.

 

He sighs as he types, muttering a soft ‘fuck it’ at the same time.

 

‘ _How many people have you dated?_ ’

 

The cursor only had to blink for around five times to make Hinata regret his decision. There's also the fact that the three dots which are supposed to show that Komaeda’s typing are absent, and Hinata can’t help feeling that he might have crossed a line somehow.

 

He was about to type a follow-up that says ‘ _If that’s too personal, I’ll think of another_ ’ when the three dots that he was waiting for finally shows up. He calms down a bit, just a bit, because what if Komaeda’s about to tell him that he was being inappropriate and that Hinata shouldn’t talk to him anymore—

 

‘ _I never dated anyone :)_ ’

‘ _How about you? (Is it okay to return questions? I'm really interested about what you have to say about this matter, after all ^^; If it’s against the rules though, then please let me think of another!)_ ’

 

‘ _Nah, it’s okay. I mean, I think it depends on us. Some of the friends I play with allow returning questions and some don’t. So let’s just agree that it’s okay?_

 _Anyway, I never dated anyone too._ ’

‘ _Why haven’t you dated anyone?_ ’

 

‘ _Alright, I agree too :D_

_I don’t think dating is for me.’_

_‘How about you? (Sorry for returning the question again! I'm just really  curious about your answer too ;u;)_ ’

 

‘ _No sweat, it’s okay._

 _I think I was too focused on studying during senior high school. I also can’t help but look at the people around me as just friends, and most of them are taken too anyway._ ’

‘ _What do you mean by dating is not for you?_ ’

 

‘ _I know this will sound absurd, but everyone I love dies._

 _So I rather not date anyone :)_ ’

‘ _Who was your first crush and can you describe them?_ ’

 

‘ _I crushed on someone named Kirigiri Kyoko when I was in kindergarten. We were schoolmates until senior high school, and I think she's going to attend Hope’s Peak this year too. That was all in the past though._ ’

‘ _She's really serious, really smart, and really pretty. She has long hair and she always has a braid even when we were younger._ ’

‘ _If it’s okay, can you elaborate on that? What do you mean by everyone you love dies?_ ’

 

‘ _Kirigiri Kyoko-san sounds lovely indeed :)_ ’

‘ _Anyway, sure! I should be thankful that you're even interested to listen in what I have to say. I’ll try to keep this short though since we’re playing a game._ ’

‘ _My parents are dead, my relatives are dead, my first best friend and first crush are dead too. Actually, even my dog is dead! That’s why I'm pretty sure that if I don’t want anyone else to die, I shouldn’t date anyone._ ’

‘ _When is Hinata-kun’s birthday?_ ’

 

That was pretty morbid. Komaeda seemed like he was talking about it with ease, but somehow, Hinata can sense that he must be feeling at least a little uncomfortable about the whole deal. It’s not like Hinata’s dense to not notice that sudden shift of question theme.

 

Hinata still can’t stop himself from wanting to ask more though.

 

‘ _My birthday is on January 1 st._’

‘ _Have you ever wanted to date anyone though? Setting that worry aside?_ ’

 

‘ _Of course._ ’

‘ _How about you, Hinata-kun? Have you had a senior high school crush despite not being ready to date that time?_ ’

 

‘ _I haven’t had a crush since first year middle school, to be honest._ ’

‘ _Can you tell me more about the persons that you would have wanted to date?_ ’

 

‘ _Sure :)_

_There was someone that I liked very much during middle school. He was an upperclassman, and we talked only at least once a week because he has a shift in the library during Fridays, but I was really fond of him. I remember blushing whenever he smiles at me, haha! I did my best not to act on it though because well, I didn’t want him to die :)_

_When I was in second year middle school and he was in third, after his graduation, he gave me his second button and told me that he liked me. I really would have wanted to tell him that I liked him too, but of course I didn’t do that._

_Instead, I threw the button at him, insulted him and called him stupid for even thinking that he stood a chance with me. I also said that he was disgusting for liking someone younger than him, that he was so full of himself for thinking that he can trick an underclassman into believing him. I accused him of just wanting someone gullible to give him money and sex probably, and he immediately recoiled, calling me a liar for faking a friendly demeanor, and that I was a horrible human being._ ’

‘ _Do you think I'm despicable now? :)_ ’

 

‘ _I don’t think that you're despicable._ ’

‘ _But there is something that I don’t understand._ ’

‘ _Why do you so firmly believe anyway that everyone to whom you'll get too attached will die? What if that was just a series of bad luck?_ ’

 

‘ _Hahaha, you get it so well, Hinata-kun!_

 _Yep, it was just bad luck. That was all it was._ ’

‘ _But there's another thing that you don’t understand._ ’

‘ _I am really unlucky. That’s why we can’t just dismiss those happenings as merely bad luck because even if they are indeed, the fact that I'm unlucky guarantees them to happen even more so than the usual._ ’

‘ _What's your favorite kind of music?_ ’

 

Hinata furrows his eyebrows. What Komaeda is currently saying directly contradicts his usual words. He always says that he's lucky, that luck is all he's good for, and now he's also saying that he's unlucky?

 

‘ _I like whatever’s popular at the moment, so pop, I guess._ ’

‘ _I thought you said that you were lucky?_ ’

 

‘ _Haha, right! Don’t misunderstand, Hinata-kun. I am lucky, but I'm also unlucky. You know, contradicting qualities can coexist in one person contrary to popular belief. Their being contradictory and one of them being true doesn’t necessarily make the other false._ ’

‘ _How do you feel about snow?_ ’

 

Hinata’s pretty worried that he might be pushing this too far. What if Komaeda thinks that he's being a little too personal? But maybe, as long as Komaeda’s still answering, it’s all good?

 

‘ _I enjoy the snow. I fare pretty well to the cold too, so I enjoy playing in it._ ‘

‘ _Can you elaborate again, if it’s alright? I kinda don’t grasp how you can be both lucky and unlucky at the same time, sorry. Also, if my questions are being too much, just tell._ ’

 

‘ _It’s okay, Hinata-kun. This is a game, right? No question should be off-limits :)_ ’

‘ _Anyway, this might get lengthy again, but I’ll try._ ’

‘ _See, all my life, I’ve been experiencing a cycle of good and bad luck. Whenever something bad happens, something good of equal gravity will happen afterwards. That’s constant—something that I'm actually sure about. That’s why whenever something good happens, I don’t really get surprised anymore if it turns out that something bad has already taken place while I was enjoying myself._ ’

‘ _I know it sounds unbelievable, but you just have to take my word for it, Hinata-kun._ ’

‘ _Are you excited for the first day of classes?_ ’

 

Komaeda’s obviously starting to ask questions that aren’t too personal. He said that Hinata’s questions were alright as they're playing a game, but his actions seem to show otherwise. Hinata can’t help worrying. He feels bad for asking another thing related to the luck cycle.

 

‘ _I'm very excited. I’ve always admired Hope’s Peak, see, so I really can’t wait to be officially its student._ ’

‘ _Can you give me an example of your luck cycle?_ ’

 

‘ _Sure, okay! Well, the first example that always comes to mind whenever I think about my luck cycle is what happened to my parents._ ’

‘ _Long story short, we boarded a plane, and there were hijackers with us inside. That’s bad luck, isn’t it? But see, as I said, good luck will always follow, so a meteor crashed into the plane and killed the hijackers with us._ ’

‘ _To be fair, it wasn’t a very big meteor. Don’t go imagining something really enormous now, haha! It’s just a size of a fist, I think?_ ’

‘ _I guess you can say that’s good luck._ ’

‘ _But then, that meteor didn’t kill only those hijackers. Unfortunately, it killed my parents too._ ’

‘ _Though of course, there's good luck too after that!_ ’

‘ _Being an only child, I was the only one who inherited my parents’ fortune, so I grew up rather freely and affluently._ ’

‘ _I guess you can say it was good luck all along, after all._ ’

‘ _What's a spontaneous thing that you have done recently?_ ’

 

Hinata didn’t even realize that he was already massaging his own head as the messages arrived one after the other. Hijackers? Meteors? Dead parents? What? Every little detail of that story sounded made up, but for some reason, Hinata’s not having a difficult time believing it.

 

‘ _Hey, I'm really sorry if you feel like I'm meddling too much. As I said, don’t hesitate to tell me if my questions are making you feel uncomfortable._ ’

‘ _Anyway, does it count as spontaneous when I asked you earlier to play this game? I usually can’t think of good questions, but despite that, I asked to play anyway… that’s why I think it’s spontaneous._ ’

‘ _Do you get lonely sometimes?_ ’

 

 ‘ _It’s okay, I promise :)_ ’ It takes a while before Komaeda types again. ‘ _Yes. I do get lonely sometimes. Not like that matters though!_ ’

‘ _How about you?_ ’

 

‘ _Yeah, I do get lonely sometimes too. I think that’s just me being the ungrateful little shit I am though because there's no good reason for me to feel that way. I should learn to suck things up and stop whining about everything, lol._ ’

‘ _I know we’ve known each other for only almost a month now, but I want to ask anyway._ ’

‘ _Do you know that you can always talk with me whenever you feel lonely?_ ’

 

‘ _I didn’t, but I do, now._ ’

‘ _I don’t think that’s necessary though, but I’ll keep it in mind :)_ ’

‘ _How about you? Do you know that you can talk to me too whenever you feel lonely, Hinata-kun?_ ’

 

Hinata’s heart skips a beat as he reads the message.

 

‘ _I do now._ ’

‘ _Thanks, Komaeda._ ’

 

‘ _:)_ ’

‘ _This game is really effective if you want deep conversations, haha!_ ’

‘ _Anyway, go, Hinata-kun! Throw me the next question! :D_ ’

 

Hinata knows it’s not just him.

 

After they played that game, they’ve gotten closer to each other.

 

That’s also when Hinata concluded that it’s in fact alright to get attracted because of a pretty face… as long as that’s not the sole reason for him to stay.

 

Talking everyday for four months makes it difficult not to fall in love, after all.

 

\--

 

“I'm really sorry about earlier.” Komaeda says for the umpteenth time today. They were both in front of the dorm that Komaeda stays in—Hinata would have stayed in this dorm too, but he didn’t like the rule that says that no one is allowed to cook inside the rooms, so he just opted for an apartment nearby. If only he knew before he made that decision though that Komaeda would be staying here, things would probably be greatly different… “Thanks for walking me back here too.”

 

“No sweat. It’s no trouble at all.” Hinata nods. “I’ll pass by here too anyway to get to my apartment, so it’s really okay.”

 

“Still, thank you.” Komaeda smiles. “Again, I'm sorry for earlier. I apologize for being repetitive, but I just can’t help but feel that I have inconvenienced you… I'm really sorry.”

 

“No, no, it’s okay. Think nothing of it.” Hinata smiles a bit as a way to reassure Komaeda. “None of that was your fault, okay?”

 

“Really?” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “If only I were good enough, that shouldn’t have happened, you know… so I'm sorry again.”

 

“No more apologizing.” Hinata lets out a chuckle and ruffles Komaeda’s hair. That’s actually something that he has wanted to do ever since he has seen Komaeda’s picture. “It’s not your fault that everyone is in love with you.”

 

“Everyone is in love with me, you say…” Komaeda lets out a chuckle too. “You're really funny, aren’t you, Hinata-kun?”

 

“It’s not a joke, you know.” Hinata stops ruffling Komaeda’s hair, but he doesn’t retract his hand. “Everyone earlier was basically fighting for your attention. When I called them out, I swear they were ready to kill me that instant.”

 

“There's something you don’t understand.” Komaeda chuckles again. “None of those people are in love with me. You shouldn’t get confused, Hinata-kun.”

 

“Come on, now, that’s not something that you can decide.” Hinata replies. “They're very fond of you. I'm sure of that.”

 

Komaeda places his hand on the one on his head. Hinata’s heart stops—or at least it felt like it did—when he feels the smoothness of Komaeda’s skin. Warmth flew through every part of his body so fast that it felt like a joke, and the sensation went as soon as it came, quickly replaced by coldness, when Komaeda pushes it away. He didn’t do it harshly, but Hinata knows that it wasn’t done gently either.

 

“They're not in love with me. They're not fond of me.” Komaeda speaks. His usual warm voice feels cold at the moment that Hinata almost shivered. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

 

“Okay, I'm sorry.” That was all Hinata managed right away. His hand felt like it touched a surface too cold to the point that it burned, and he could say that that was what he felt at the moment too. “You don’t have to be so upset.”

 

Komaeda lets out another chuckle. Hinata’s not stupid to not know that it wasn’t holding any trace of mirth at all. “How can I not be? _You're_ upsetting, Hinata-kun. Really, it disappoints me.”

 

Hinata furrows his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

 

“See?” Komaeda flashes him a smile. It looks so much like his usual smiles that if Hinata’s guard were down, he wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. This smile—it feels hollow and cold compared to the welcoming and warm smile that he usually sees from Komaeda. The effect of those smiles were so different from each other that it was scary to think that the same person can smile both ways. “Let me ask you then, Hinata-kun. Are you in love with me? Are you fond of me?”

 

This question normally would have made Hinata’s face go red and hot all over. This question normally would have made his heart race, his hands shake in nervousness, but despite those seemingly stressful descriptions, he would enjoy every second of it.

 

But right now, Hinata didn’t even feel any of that. To be fair, the racing of his heart was still present, but it didn’t feel pleasant. It felt painful, and if only he could stop it without repercussions, he would have done so.

 

“Yes, I am in love with you.” So he says, plainly and simply. This wasn’t how he thought it would go. “And yes, I am fond of you.”

 

Komaeda covers his mouth, stifling a chuckle. Hinata’s frown deepens with each second. It doesn’t take long before Komaeda seems to have given up stifling his chuckle, and it ends up coming out as actual laughter that despite being so loud, there was no humor in it.

 

Or if there was, Hinata failed to see it.

 

“Ahh, seriously, Hinata-kun! You never fail to make me laugh! You obviously don’t know what you're saying!” Komaeda’s eyes that moment—they were like darkness piled upon darkness, to the point the darkness itself was glowing brightly. “You're not in love with me! You're not fond of me! So don’t go saying things like that!”

 

“What the—as I said, that’s not for you to decide!” Hinata throws him a glare. “What the hell is wrong with you!?”

 

“What's wrong with me is that there's something wrong with all of you!” Komaeda holds himself as he speaks. He looks like he's desperately trying to keep himself together, that he’ll just topple over if he lets go, and Hinata wants to reach out to hold him too but he's pretty sure that he’ll get pushed away if he does that. “Telling me that you love me, telling me that you’re fond of me… when you don’t even know what you're talking about!”

 

“No, what are _you_ talking about?” Hinata grits his teeth. “How do you even know that? You don’t have a way to know what I feel—what we feel—so you can’t go around saying things like that! You can’t decide what I feel for me!”

 

“Oh, _oh_ , Hinata-kun,” Komaeda lets out another soft chuckle as he tightens his hold around himself even more. “If only you can see how you look right now… you look so full of hate, full of disgust… aha, I bet you're so appalled right now!”

 

“Stop it! I know what you're trying to do, and—”

 

“Naturally, you guys will fall in love with me!” Komaeda interrupts. “You see me at my best behavior, you see me smiling and laughing at every little thing you guys say, you see me supporting you in your interests, you guys see me in my best appearance…”

 

Hinata wanted to say something, but his mouth wouldn’t even move.

 

“But the moment you see me like _this_ , the moment I say things that you guys don’t like, the moment you see how horrible I can be—worthless piece of trash that I am—” Komaeda holds himself even tighter. Hinata wants to make him stop because there's no way that what he's doing to himself right now doesn’t hurt. “You guys recoil, you guys look disgusted, you guys give up!

 

“Ahaha, you're not in love with _me_! You're not fond of _me_! You're in love with the illusion that you created of me—the one that encourages and supports you, the one that compliments you all the time—not me! So don’t, _don’t_ tell me that!”

 

“I'm repeating it again.” Hinata finally finds his voice again, and he inches towards Komaeda. He was shaking as he wraps his own arms around the latter, and the latter struggles—as he expected—but he doesn’t let go. “As I said, that’s not for you to decide.”

 

“…What are you doing, Hinata-kun? Are you out of your mind? Let me go—”

 

“Listen to me.” Hinata leans his chin on Komaeda’s shoulder, tightening his embrace even more. “It’s true that I was surprised when I heard the things you had to say. It’s true that I didn’t expect you to do those things. But it’s not true that I'm going to recoil because of being disgusted, and it’s not true that I'm going to give up.

 

“Because I'm in love with you, right? You said it yourself. Contradicting qualities can coexist in one person contrary to popular belief. Their being contradictory and one of them being true doesn’t necessarily make the other false. You doing this doesn’t mean that you were lying to me, to us, when you were encouraging me and laughing with me.” Komaeda stops struggling, and Hinata runs a hand through his hair. “Because I'm in love with you, I'm ready to understand both sides of you. That’s… something that I know, and I mean it.”

 

“Hinata-kun…”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Hinata-kun, no…” Komaeda shakes his head. “…You can’t do this.”

 

“Why?”

 

“If you do this…” Komaeda tries to pull away, but Hinata doesn’t let him. “Let me go! If you do this, you're going to die!”

 

“I know.”

 

“Are you listening? I said you're going to die!” Komaeda tries to push him away this time, and while Hinata isn’t exactly very strong, he still did his best to keep up their current position. “I see… You're not taking my luck cycle seriously, are you? You think that was a joke? I meant everything I told you that certain night. If you continue this, you really are going to die. I mean it.”

 

“I said I know. I'm not treating your experiences as a joke. I know I can possibly die if I keep this up, but since I'm in love with you, I should be ready to accept that too.”

 

“…I can’t believe that I'm not in the receiving end of this statement for once, but Hinata-kun, you're seriously out of your mind.”

 

“Maybe I am, but if that’s what it takes to convince you that I'm in love with _you_ , not just an illusion that I crafted myself, then so be it. I don’t care.”

 

“I don’t want you to die.”

 

“Then reject me.” Hinata firmly says. “Reject me, then let me pine for you forever. That way, I won’t die, will I?”

 

“But—”

 

“Just do it.” Hinata pulls away, but his hand goes down to hold Komaeda’s. “Do it. Reject me.”

 

Because of pulling away, he can now see clearly what Komaeda looks like at the moment. Komaeda looks so distraught—Hinata can swear that there are slight tears in the corner of his eyes—and he was lightly shaking his head.

 

So Hinata just smiles like he did before as a way to be reassuring.

 

“…I don’t…” Komaeda’s lips were quivering, he looks like he's doing something completely against his will, but he continues. “…feel the same way. Sorry, but… I’ll have to reject your confession…”

 

Hinata nods, and he wraps his arms around Komaeda again. Komaeda promptly returns the embrace, leaning his chin on Hinata’s shoulder. “That’s okay. I’ll continue working hard to be worthy of your attention. For as long as it takes.”

 

“…I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like me. I'm sorry you had to be in a situation like this.”

 

“I don’t mind.” Hinata closes his eyes. “If this is what it takes… then I don’t mind.”

 

Komaeda just tightens his embrace around him.

 

It’s warm and he's seriously flattered to be this intimate with Komaeda—it felt a little painful too if Hinata were to be honest, but he puts up with it.

 

And somehow, he thinks that that fits so much.


End file.
